Caleb Clay

Hunt Gather Parent

2 min read

Notes on Hunt Gather Parent by Michaeleen Donaldson

TEAM Parenting

T - Togetherness E - Encourage A - Autonomy M - Minimal interference

Main takeaways

  • Talk less.
  • Use facial expressions, body language, and gestures to get your point across.
  • 1 cup practice + 1 cup modeling + 1 tsp acknowledgment = skill learned
  • Praise puts focus on extrinsic motivation.
  • Autonomy protects against anxiety. Autonomy ≠ independence.
  • Create an invisible safety net.
  • Alloparenting protects against depression.
  • Show your alloparents that you care and that you’re appreciative.
  • Child-centered activities (toys, movies, iPad, trips) make the child a family VIP. This erodes their innate desire to contribute and belong. Would you do the thing if your child wasn’t involved? If not, cut it.
  • You don’t have to force your child to grow too quickly. If they ask for help, give it. Children won’t want to help you if don’t model that behavior for them. Children grow at their own pace.
  • You don’t have to fill up your child’s time with activities and entertainment. They will entertain themselves. Most of their entertainment should come from helping their family.
  • Use stories to teach values.
  • Use play (dramas) to help your child practice ideal behaviors.
  • Encourage by asking questions and relating behaviors to maturity.
  • Use pretend play to encourage.
  • Never force your child to do anything.
  • Never argue with a child.
  • Never show anger (anger is negative acknowledgement of behavior).
  • Tantrum tools include awe, physical touch, or going outside, plus a calm demeanor (emotionless/expressionless face, little to no words, low energy). You are modeling emotional regulation and you’re allowing your child to practice.
  • Limit yourself to three requests per hour.

Notes

2023-12-25

  • You can ignore too much. Children still need to feel heard.
  • Screaming monster?
  • More autonomy! Personal snack drawer and a way to get water on her own 2023-12-26
  • Monster story doesn’t work for screaming in the moment. Ignoring might work if all parties agree to it. 2023-12-29
  • It’s best to not mention future happenings to toddlers. They are little beings of action that want to do things right away. 2024-05-27
  • What values do I want to instill? Being helpful, honest, and kind. Being generous and grateful. Finding peace. Importance of being bored (off of devices), and healthy eating.

Graph View